My Fellow Students,
Our Uni is in serious trouble. We don't have victories any more. We used to have victories but now we don't have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, Queens, in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat Queens all the time. All the time. China. I demand that my opponent, Connaire Davey release the 30,000 emails he deleted on his private email. We will give lecturers guns, as is our constitutional right under the second amendment.
For too long we have lived in the squalor of cramped and warm rooms which are up or down 10 flights of stairs and I pledge that, if elected, I will secure rooms fit for a royalty (or papacy, if that’s your thing). Peers - if videos/ groupwork are your thing, let me know and I will discard lecturers altogether, you have nothing to lose but your chains*.
In all seriousness, the 9am starts are poor banter. Vote Nick and I’ll try delay them half an hour or so.
*Utter bollocks, but vote for me and I’ll go to the meetings.